Meaningful relationships promote better overall health is no news. However, in the fast-paced modern cities, maintaining a long-term meaningful relationship is one of the biggest challenges in life, whether it be friendships, romantic relationships, even a relationship with a family member. Other than general factors like being busy and frequent relocation, there are a few tips to benefit any long-term meaningful relationships.
People are complicated, multi-dimensional, messy creature, thus in any deep, meaningful relationships, ruptures like fights, disagreement, hurt feelings, and arguments are bound to happed. To maintain a lasting relationship is to always finding ways to repair the rupture.
There are three components to successfully repair a relationship. One is the ability to apologize. When rupture happens, it is important to acknowledge each other's feelings and apologize for one's own action without excuses. An insincere and excused apology is usually followed by a "but". Like, "I'm sorry for what I did, but I was having a rough day/but you said it first". Apologies like this imply that the reason behind the "but" is the true cause of the action, not me. Taking ownership of what happened and apologize is the first step of effectively repairing a rupture.
Two is the ability to forgive. This often comes naturally after a genuine apology for small ruptures, as the main purpose of an apology is to gain forgiveness. However, when what the other person steps on the boundary or crosses the line, it is up to the receiver of the apology to decide where the relationship goes next. Therefore, sometimes failing to forgive is failing to repair a rupture.
The third component is the ability to learn. It is easy to get defensive and take the ruptures as attacks when they happen. However, ruptures reveal one's core self more than any other times in a relationship, thus they are a reliable way of learning about each other. What doesn't work should be communicated and worked as a guidance of what may work in the future.
Most relationships fall apart because they fail to repair the ruptures. When rupture occurs, it is actually a good opportunity for the relationship to grow stronger. This is because adaptability is the most critical factor of a good relationship, and any relationships that can navigate through and overcome ruptures are one more likely to last and grow deeper.
Loved this article, as it's something I feel like I could apply to my daily life. I often see myself adding the 'but' to apologies. Do you feel like people nowadays, due to the number of moving parts in everyone's lives, are more inwardly focused, rather than being more empathetic to the world around them, which is what could potentially make long term relationships with friends, family and significant others difficult?
Everything moves fast nowadays, including relationships. Along the way we grow up, when we look back on our shoulders, there are many names that we cannot recall. We constantly meet new people, greet new friends and forget old ones. Moving on to another phase in life is like a filter, which filters many loved ones with who we were familiar. I call this natural selection in relationships. Keeping a long and thriving relationship is so hard and precious. These are all great advice!
Junru, you are right when talking about how humans are very complicated and multidimensional. I think the most challenging part of a healthy relationship is the ability to forgive. When you can forgive someone, it relieves so much stress. I do not sometimes realize how much pressure holding grudges brings to me, so I have been working hard on not taking things too seriously and forgiving people, and giving them a second chance, which I believe in. It is easier said than done, though. The easiest part of a relationship in my eye is the ability to learn from someone. I love talking to those I love and share connections with and learning from what they have to say. No…